First impressions

Zephyr is now three weeks old and we're pretty much past all that awful stuff I vented about last post. A brief update though: the hospital notes came and it seems we were definitely given too much Misoprostol. The doctor prescribed 25mg for each dose and the intern who administered the second dose gave me 50mg. So they definitely made a mistake. They are currently putting together a set of protocol for the use of the drug and they are sending this to us, so when we receive that and have time to look through it, we will go ahead with our complaints. I have written a letter to Dr H, which I will send then too.

Three weeks of Zephie goodness

Over the past week Zephyr has started to become more alert. He listens to me babble on about whatever I can think of to tell him and he looks closely at bright and contrasting objects. He pays a lot of attention to my black and white striped t shirt. He is growing a little too fast - already he is getting too big for his hammock. 

Although I was warned, I didn't realise just how much time I would spend sitting with a baby attached to my breast. Breastfeeding takes up literally one quarter of my day and night. I am told it will get faster as he grows and becomes more adept at getting his fill, but for now it is quite a lesson in patience. This is at least enforced rest - I can't go cleaning the house while he is feeding - but it sometimes feels, especially late at night, as though he is draining the energy directly from me.

I don't mind though. I guess the hormones released when breastfeeding combined with lack of sleep cause me to feel blase about anything else that may have felt important before, like cleanliness. Or maybe it's just that his little face is so mesmerizing.

We have the odd difficult day, usually when I have neglected to take a nap and I'm not coping, but the majority of our days are pretty easy. Until recently I have been pretty much housebound, seeing as I wasn't supposed to drive a car for the first two weeks, but now me and Zephyr have started to make a few trips to the shops. I'm still getting used to the fact that everywhere I go, I have to factor in a baby. That may sound stupid, but when you're used to dashing into the gas station to pay for your petrol without a second thought for anyone else, it suddenly seems kind of complicated to fill up the tank. Do people leave their babies in the car? I can't quite bring myself to do that, even if it is for a moment.

Zephyr has taken over my brain, that much I know is true. When I'm watching TV I notice actors' facial expressions and movements that look like his. I notice my own position when I'm lying in bed taking a nap and realise it is not so different from his. When he sleeps for more than three hours during the day I start to miss him.

The other day I was talking on Skype to some friends. After the initial look at Zephyr, they asked me what else was new. This question had me stumped. Nothing else was new...I hadn't been doing anything else, aside from this monumental task of mothering. I felt a gap form between my new and old lives, my past and present personalities. Wow, I thought, I'm already there. I have nothing to say that doesn't involve my kid.

But, look, can you blame me?